I, like half of the internet-known world, have decided to blog. God's working in my life. He always is, but He is specifically working in my perceptions of myself. I've decided to go on a Quest for God's plan. A Quest is generally set upon by a hero, and traditionally lasts for one year and one day. That seems like a good amount of time.
Basically, as I see it, this is going to be a blog which will help me focus on my relationship with God and learning to view myself through His eyes. I want to be able to walk out His plan and live life to the fullest, not wasting time.
But I have this problem focusing on God. And I have been so lethargic lately that nothing has been exciting me, and I can talk myself out of doing anything worthwhile. So this is a quest to find myself. Mostly, I will be writing about the important things that happen in my day, and reflecting on what I've learned from the day--testing out the old adage that one does, in fact, learn something every day. I decided to go with the blog format becaue, let's face it, a year is a long time. I see myself writing in a journal and not able to follow through with it after a short while. As a blog, my close friends can look on and check my progress, and possibly keep my on track.
We'll see.
I'm not committing to writing every day, because I know myself better than that. But four times per week is my goal. That should be enough to track main events along my Quest and see the lessons I've learned. I'm excited to see what will happen, and a little nervous at the same time. I imagine questors often feel thus at the beginning of a journey. Hopefully the end will make it worth it.
Today, I actually returned to church. It's the first time I have been to church in quite a while. And church today confirmed this idea, because it is an idea that has been creeping up on my for quite some time. God wants me to walk into all that He has for me. And I want to live that out. Maybe then, I won't feel bored. I want to feel excited and passionate again! I want butterflies-in-the-stomach, and hurt, and joy. Lately, everything has been blending together. Partly, I think, because I'm working on overload. I had the day completely off yesterday, and I spent about 15 hours of it sleeping. I'm overly exhausted, and have completely lost balance. Tomorrow is work: the first day of the last two weeks before Spring Break. I love teaching, but I cannot even begin to express how ready I am for a complete and total break.
And I am foolishly (because I know it won't be able to happen) toying with the thought of going to Italy on Spring Break. Matt wanted to take the kids, which I don't think is the plan now. But it seemed like a great opportunity. It's one more dream that I know is completely unrealistic and can't happen, and I'm not sure what about going to Rome is so appealing right now at this exact moment except that I'm exhausted, and running away sounds truly enjoyable. So tonight's purpose--prayers for a realistic, exciting, enjoyable, and important thing to do for Spring Break this year.
P.S. I miss my car. Should I really buy a new van? I'm not sure what will become of that whole escapade, but I think that the Honda breaking down is an opportunity to explore a new mode of transportation. If it really can be rebuilt for $1000, and I really could sell it and my van, a safe, under warranty vehicle with Air Conditioning would be amazing to have this summer! More on that some other time. For now, good night. Ramble on. (Ah, Led Zeplin--you may need to make an appearance on my Ipod.)
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